My first list.
  1. When there's no fan to cover up the embarrassing plopping.
    Better turn on the faucet.
  2. No toilet paper.
    That's what hands are for, right?
  3. When you let one go and the water splashes back with a vengeance.
    I thought this was a no splash-zone?
  4. When the toilet seat is loose and you feel like you could slide off at any moment.
    Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!
  5. When extra audio comes out instead of a solid.
    "Ahem! I think there's still some salad stuck in my throat!"
  6. When the toilet is already dirty before you use it.
    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) it's about to get even dirtier.
  7. When you don't have your phone so you pick the nearest thing to read or just look at.
    "This dog shampoo instructions will do."
  8. When there is pee still left over from the last person on the seat.
    I was craving some left over pee.
  9. When the last person didn't flush.
    Okay, you monster. You win this time.
  10. When you're doing #2 but it burns.
    Where did I put that aloe?
  11. When you're almost done but someone keeps knocking on the door to ask if you're done or not.
    I remember when I had to go poop that bad.
  12. When you're done but you just sit there watching YouTube.
    Should I get up? Nah.
  13. When your legs fall asleep.
    I've been here for that long?
  14. When there is no air freshner and no fan.
    What do I do what do I do what do I do
  15. Public bathrooms.