1. Look again! You actually succeeded!
  2. It's because your enemies are realer than you think.
  3. Never try again
  4. It's because I'm actively plotting against you
  5. Get a job at Starbucks; they're hiring!
  6. Re-consider your life as an artist...
  7. Write a sad song about it (it worked for Adele!)
  8. Eat a whole pizza to cheer yourself up.