EMOTIONS AFTER FINDING OUT I'VE BEEN APPROVED FOR A 🇺🇸 VISA
It's official: I'm an Alien of Extraordinary Ability. Or to put it another way - I have been deemed worthy of the square footage I take up in his great land. Thanks, Obama!
- •Deep, deep reliefBye, horrible state of limbo. Bye, inability to make medium-term plans. Bye, panic that I'll have to cancel work commitments because I haven't heard that I'm allowed to keep them yet. Bye, gut-level daily fear that I'll suddenly have to leave my beloved adopted city, my wonderful roommate, my apartment, my neighbourhood, my friends, and maybe been some of my books.
- •ImpatiencePick up your phone @LizDawson damn it (she picked up obviously, it's all fine, I just didn't want her to find out on Facebook like all the friends I care about less)
- •Ironic amusementMy visa was approved on 9th Nov. I think someone out there thought, "stuff it, everyone's miserable, let's just give them this, they probably won't want to stay now anyway"
- •Disappointment in myself for not having pre-ordered this tshirt
- •Deep sadnessAs I process all the things that this election has ruined for me in DC. My America is an America where Democrats win, whether they're fictional or real: Bartlet, Santos, Obama. I don't have a box to put this in. And now I'll never dance with Bradley Whitford at an inauguration ball — or at least not till 2021.
- •Slight disappointmentI had really, really tried not to let limbo do this to me, but it's hard not to have thoughts like "well at least if I get kicked out it'll be nice to eat real bacon regularly again" and "It'll be nice to see my oldest friends' kids grow up". Now in a weird way I need to grieve all those experiences I won't have too.
- •FrustrationThis should be the most exciting moment of possibly the year and certainly in a while and I don't want to be all confused about my feelings; I just want to be joyful
- •GratitudeTo all the people who helped me along the way by writing letters of recommendation and also by praying or (in God's case) answering prayer — though not towards my lawyer, she was expensive and terrible and slow and never really believed I had a case
- •PanicI haven't been allowed to work but now I am and I have to make ends meet by writing-related means in order to stay here and I have deadlines and they're soon
- •JoyNot as much as I expected. Maybe because of the timing and the mitigated circumstances of this dumpster fire of a week. Maybe because it hasn't sunk in yet. Maybe because I haven't yet had a chance to celebrate with my DC friends and have them tell me how happy they all are. Maybe because the relief overwhelms the joy. It's like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Like an imminent threat has been taken away. So I am definitely pleased — it's a more muted kind of joy but it's joy.