Lies to Tell So You Can Stay Home and Read

Read all 101 here: http://goo.gl/e2rAHC
  1. There's a water main break in front of my apartment and I'm a terrible swimmer.
  2. Armpit razor burn, too cranky to socialize.
  3. I suspect my cat has rabies.
  4. I can't find any shoes.
  5. Snakes.
  6. New vibrator requires repeated test runs.
  7. I saw a bat and am devising a test got determine if it's a vampire.
  8. Made cookies. Must eat while warm.
  9. Secret reasons.
  10. I already took off my pants.
  11. It's raining.
  12. It rained earlier.
  13. It might rain.
  14. How do you get blood out of car upholstery?
  15. Hiccups.
  16. I've decided to live as a Victorian and cannot get a chaperone at such short notice.
  17. I have a disquieting feeling of impending doom.
  18. I have contracted a terrible case of narcolep-zzzzzzz
    Suggested by   @srsharms
  19. "You wouldn't understand. It's a secret." —Michael Scott
    Suggested by   @sl