WAYS MY BODY IS FAILING ME
Somehow I got old and my body won't shut up about it.
- •My head hairIt's falling out on the top - and right when that shaved on the side/long on the top is super popular!
- •My body hairThere is this one... FUCKING hair that grows out of my ear lobe like... Twice weekly. It appears fully grown and thwapping in the wind with no warning whatsoever.
- •Fat, fat, fattyI was never an Adonis, but in the past I could eat ice cream at night and wake up generally the same weight, but now I wake up bloated and looking like that Mike Myers character.
- •Speaking of dairy!I can't eat it anymore because it causes me to fart terrible, terrible farts and then have an incredibly unsatisfactory shit!
- •My neck, my back, my knees and my crack.They all hurt and ache and creak. Except for my crack. I just wanted to reference that khai song. Proves my body is old but my salty sense of humor is young.