THINGS MY GIRLFRIEND SAID (PART 1)

I have an on going list in the notes on my phone. This is the beginning.... She is @whitneywagner
  1. What kind of pill is this for real?
  2. I haven't passed out since I fainted last...
  3. I like going to sleep at night because it's like a time machine to having coffee in the morning.
  4. I don't feel old enough to be how old I am.
  5. I'm not trying to sound fucked up, because I know she's got this rare form of dwarfism, but I can tell she's a slut.
  6. What does it say about me that my phone just autocorrected "ice cream" to "ice cream and puppies"?
  7. I took selfies today with an almond butter packet.
  8. I'm so tired of anorexic being chic, it's so boring honestly, anyone can "not eat"
  9. He needs a nice girl. Too bad I can't clone myself for people.
  10. I have abs from laughing so hard because at home all the time I look at myself and think of the things I was gonna say.
  11. I have no dog and no life