1. my mint plant is dying because i make so much tea with it
  2. i have to fight the urge to take a shower now because i know im going to have to take one at 2am
    to deal with intestinal pain torture
  3. i forgot when i last took paracetamol and laxatives
    forgetting when to take medication is treading the fine line between recovery and living a real life fever dream where i shit my pants in an albert heijn
  4. the only channel i have is bbc1 and all its showing is pointless and country file
  5. domino's tastes weird here
  6. im scared to eat yoghurt in case my stomach blows up
  7. my trashcan makes my whole apartment smell like rotting avocado
  8. my bloated stomach feels like a dull heavy copper barrel filled with rain water
  9. sometimes i have to sit down on the walk from my front door to the tram stop
  10. the cashier asked my date of birth when i was buying laxatives and she thought i said 1986
  11. i waited for almost an hour in an empty hospital for no reason while a fat dutch nurse bumbled by with the ultrasound machine
  12. i have seen my microwave oven grill clock at literally every hour of the day including 4:52am and that’s a time no-one needs to see on their microwave oven grill clock
  13. my aloe vera is over powering and tentacley
  14. i may or may not have bed bugs
  15. the hour showers i take lying down in my shower cube are becoming increasingly ineffective