HOW I ALMOST BURNED MY BUILDING DOWN THIS MORNING

6:00 AM EST
  1. Went to go put on my just-washed jeans
    They were drying overnight on the kitchen table.
  2. Darn! They're a bit damp...
    In the crotch area. Problematic.
  3. Here's a foolproof quick fix: put them in a low oven for a few minutes
    200 degrees. What could go wrong?
  4. 5 minutes later, I've got ALMOST dry pants!
    But not dry enough.
  5. Let's jack it up to 350 for no more than a few minutes
    The temperature that transforms wet dough into a cookie in about 8 minutes.
  6. This seems like the perfect time to shave
    With or against the grain of the hairs? There's conflicting research out there.
  7. Meanwhile, my apartment is filling with smoke.
    Ever smelled burning denim? Neither did I -- the bathroom door was closed.
  8. Smoke alarms!
    Naked, frantically waving pillows at my ceiling.
  9. It's ok though...
    I like my jeans with oven rack marks burned into them.