1. If you would just listen
  2. Stop interrupting my answer to your question with another question
  3. You have the wrong number
    Even if they don't
  4. I'm going to have to call you back
  5. **Pretend to be a voicemail**
  6. Hello, you have reached the obscene caller of the month club
    ("My Best Friends Wedding" reference)
  7. Please take your business elsewhere
  8. Please hold for someone who cares
  9. Stop interrupting me while I'm making lists!!!!