Things You Shouldn't Say When You Meet a Playwright

  1. "What kind of plays do you write?"
    If we're really playwrights, we write more than one kind of play.
  2. "Have I seen any of your plays?"
    I don't know. Are you one of the 9.7% of Americans who go to the theatre? If so, possibly, but how the fuck would I know if you've seen one of my plays?
  3. "How do you do that?"
    It's magic. ...Actually it has nothing to do with magic, it's just a lot of hard work.
  4. "Oh my god, I have a story that you should make into a play. Or probably a movie, because that would make more money, right?"
    Yes, it would make more money if your story is actually entertaining, but evidence suggests that it's not.
  5. "Wait, you're a what? People still do that? Isn't that like being a blacksmith?"
    Yes, but less lucrative.