THINGS I DO

  1. Wake up personally offended by everything.
    Everyday I wake up so angry that I am not sleeping anymore. I'm sorry. Give me a few minutes and I'll calm down.
  2. Not respond when you say something to me.
    Bc it sounds like you've made up your mind on the subject or I don't have anything to add or there was no response necessarily required.
  3. Buy tacky things and actually wear/use them.
    I have a tumbler from the dollar store that says, "GIRL POWER" in rhinestones and its like 32 oz and I bought it when I was on my period and feeling a little resentful. I laugh every time I fill it up bc YES GIRL POWER HELL YES! I also have a shirt that I wear year round for my own enjoyment that says, "Santa's World Tour" and has cities listed and all the same date - you know which date.
  4. Wear slippers.
    I buy slippers and make sure that they have hard rubber soles so that I can wear them ANYWHERE I WANT TO. I had a friend in high school that took me aside one day and held me by the shoulders and said, "This is school. It's not your bed time." I walked away.
  5. Go everywhere alone.
    Bc I like to. I often think about inviting people along and then decide against it because I like just being with my thoughts. I go to restaurants, the movies, on errands, to museums, on road trips. I have a dream to go on a planned vacation with just MEH.
  6. Ask for no ice in my drinks.
    It melts and waters down my lemonade/Coke/Dr. Pepper and I will not tolerate it.
  7. Add salt to everything.
    I crave it bc my body gets rid of it so fast. I add it to everything and I hope that doesn't offend people that cook for me.
  8. Talk out loud during movies and TV shows.
    I realize that this makes me a menace and I am so sorry.
  9. Eat one thing.
    Carrots are my most recent obsession. I go through phases. Apples. Pretzels. String cheese. Fruit snacks. Cucumbers. Bell peppers. Melon Powerade. Little Debbie's snack cakes. You get it.