I'm on Day 3 of a (medically supervised) cleanse where I have eaten the following thus far: 3 oranges, 2 eggs, and all the green vegetables and red meat I want. Here are my thoughts of the process:
  1. I've done this cleanse a couple times before and I always forget how hard it is.
  2. I'm kind of a picky eater so my green veggies of choice this time have been spinach and green onions (I love the smell and the song).
  3. You can also do as much red meat as you want and I just stick with hamburger because it's easier on my stomach.
    But awful on my teeth; they were so sore on day 2.
  4. Here's the thing about the cleanse: you will be so hungry, but you won't want to eat anything because you don't look forward to the food that's available to you.
    At least those bullshit juice cleanses have variety to them.
  5. You will go through periods of being "fine" and then all of a sudden flip to HANGRY.
    I'm so sorry coworkers and family. I 'M SO HUNGRY.
  6. You will ask your coworkers about everything they're eating from their lunches, their snacks, what they're eating for dinner, etc.
    They're very accommodating, but anytime I talked about food, my mouth would water. So cute.
  7. You will go to bed early (10 pm) because if you're sleeping, you're not eating!
  8. The steps on your Fitbit during the work day will mostly consist of steps to and from the bathroom because you are peeing all. day. long.
    You have to drink at least 64 oz of water by dinner time. I might as well just build a boat for my bladder and float away.
  9. I did a yoga class on Wednesday and randomly thought of licking whipped cream while we were all in child's pose.
    What the actual fuck.
  10. Here are the good things that come with the cleanse
  11. Shout out to Crystal Light water packs, specifically Fruit Punch flavor.
    The aspartame is probably gonna give me cancer, but you were delicious and kept me from going even crazier.
  12. I got the best sleep because I was sleeping the right amount for my body - 10 p to 7 a.
    Despite being a night owl, this might be something I keep doing for awhile.
  13. I don't feel as bloated anymore.
    Part of doing this cleanse is realizing how uncomfortable I felt in my body and how awful my clothes felt and even if that's still a little true, the bloating being down is a huge step.
  14. The weight loss.
    Yes, it's water weight. But as of this morning, I am down 6 lbs and I still get to officially weigh in tomorrow. I've come so close to cheating a couple times, but I know it'll be worth it.
  15. That being said, I could naw off my arm right now if someone gave some condiments to work with.