1. I asked for, and received, an electric blanket for Christmas this year.
  2. I read the front of the package and read out loud that it had an auto shut off function.
  3. "I couldn't live with myself if you burned to death." - my mother, WHO GAVE ME THE BLANKET.
  4. "And yet, you gave this to me anyway?"
  5. "It was on your list."
  6. ...
  7. I wouldn't even know how to make this stuff up if I tried.