Reasons Why This Will Be the Best Summer of My Life

This is going to be the best summer of my life.
  1. I am finally going to travel across the country, go to every Major League Baseball stadium, and get on all the KissCams
  2. I will not get stung by a bee or wasp
  3. I am currently on track to have the nice summer beach body that will make everyone on the beach point and nod their heads in agreement at
  4. I will drink an ice cold glass of sweet lemonade with all my nice summer meals, and I will not get sick
  5. I finally have a pair of sunglasses that will make people go “Wow, those are the sunglasses that I would love to buy, and then wear.”
  6. I will go to a concert where my favorite band or artist is playing and I will salute them the whole time, out of thanks
  7. I will finally face my fears and fight the lifeguard at my local beach. I will lose this fight, and I will gain no respect from the lifeguard or the people who watched the fight, but I will have done it.
  8. I will commit no crimes and I will not go to jail or prison
  9. If there is some sort of Jaws scenario playing out on the beach I went to, I will go to a different beach where the Jaws scenario is not as bad or just non-existent
  10. I will wear shorts every day, even if it makes people recoil in horror and illness, even if it makes someone start an online petition requesting me to do otherwise, even if the mayor mentions my awful legs in a speech demanding me to wear long pants.