Things I never got around to tweeting
- •I like biking over running because I am no longer the fattest guy at the event.
- •I won an argument because I knew the difference between gumbo and jambalaya.
- •A Subway sandwich is actually cheaper to buy than make at home. The sneeze guard alone could set you back $1000.
- •Almond milk is like fracking, but for non-dairy natural resources.
- •Why do dads have to share their holiday with grads and moms don't? Most of them are in May.
- •Why don't bar bands show up in tune? Surely they knew they had a gig tonight.