FIVE THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT MYSELF WHILE MY IPHONE WAS BROKEN

Only read this list if you're prepared to hate me
  1. I need to buy a watch.
    Not an APPLE WATCH™ but a real watch. It's embarrassing to keep asking the time
  2. I don't know how to dress myself without easy access to the weather report
    Cut to me dressing incorrectly (too many layers, too few layers) four days straight
  3. I am completely helpless and unhelpful without my permanent technological crutch
    I passed a car accident and didn't stop because I couldn't have done anything anyway. And I never knew what time it was.
  4. I am a person with very few friends
    The only people who got in touch with me over the weekend were people I work with
  5. Even the lack of a phone didn't inspire me to start reading again
    Who am I???