Lies I've Told My Daughter

So I can exist
  1. This is the last Grammy award of the night. You're not missing anything.
  2. Hayley, Chelse and Amanda are coming over. But not until you fall asleep.
  3. Those just look like candy. They're things grown up women need when they are older.
  4. Yes, apples have a ton of protein.
  5. Adam Levine can't be your boyfriend because he might be transgender. The verdict is out.
  6. I put fairy dust on your pillow but it only works if you close your eyes.
  7. Chocolate causes diarrhea.
  8. Maybe if you practiced a little harder you could have gone to the Golden Globes.