CHAPTER TITLES FOR MY MEMOIR

  1. "Everyone stop telling this child how delightful she is, she is already a tiny golden-haired megalomaniac"
  2. "Hiding on the floor between the bed and the wall with a book; or, But mom, I already HAVE a sweater, I don't need another one"
  3. "Our daycare is super laid-back but good news, your daughter is now basically a card shark"
  4. "Glasses and braces; or, how to make sure your daughter loves American Girl books WELL into her teens"
  5. "Terrible cheerleader, tiny high school"
    "Most of these clubs and awards mean nothing, but I'm trying to get scholarships"
  6. "Freshman year, or: I have never kissed anyone, and calculus is terrible."
  7. "Sophomore year, or: I have kissed someone, and he was terrible."
  8. "Junior year, or: despite my sleeplessness, my profile pictures are finally kind of cute."
  9. "Senior year, or: I have no plan and I am terrified."
  10. "The graduate: or, I am poor in a new city, but I am not alone bc have you heard of Netflix?" (2010)
  11. "Madly in love: I ignore my friends for a year"
  12. "Just Married: I love him even though boy roommates are icky"
  13. "Married with food babies"
  14. "Hufflepuffing: I am so mostly happy I annoy all my friends"