HOW TO BE ME IN 5 EASY STEPS

This is a dumb list. I haven't even written it yet and already I know that.
  1. 1.
    Put a book in your purse.
    I never ever go anywhere (except maybe the gym) without a book. Ever.
  2. 2.
    Pop in those earbuds. Turn on some pop music.
    It can be TSwift. It can be Misterwives. Doesn't matter!
  3. 3.
    Put either 100% or 0% effort into your appearance.
    You will either be in eyeliner and maje mascara and cute shoes or you will have 3-day unwashed hair and a tee shirt the size of a circus tent. There is no in between.
  4. 4.
    Worry at all times what other people are thinking of you.
    "Is there something on my face? Is there something on my jeans? Is there something in my teeth? Did I talk too much? Does she think I'm ignoring her? Do they think I'm trying too hard? Can you see my underwear through my leggings?"
  5. 5.
    Buuuuut deal with the above relatively rarely bc you almost never leave the apartment.
    I love you, chair.
  6. 6.
    Bonus: Feel as though you have to consult your parents about everything.
    Although I guess there are worse traits.