YUPPIE HABITS I HAVE PICKED UP SINCE MOVING TO DC THAT WORRY/CONFUSE MY PARENTS 🏀

THE LIGHTS ARE SO BRIGHT BUT THEY NEVER BLIND MEEEEE
  1. Going to/paying for fitness classes outside my gym
    "But you already go to a gym." "Yeah, but they don't have barre classes. Anyway, the first three were like $22 and I'm doing it with friends." ".....but you already go to a gym." If my dad wants to work out, he chops wood or mows the grass. That's the frame of reference I'm working with.
  2. Overpaying for pastries
    I have never told her or dad what macarons or artisanal doughnuts or fancy cupcakes cost aaaaand I don't intend to. They would roll their eyes so hard they'd probably get stuck that way.
  3. "Going out" and birthday parties for people older than 16
    Told her awhile back it was a friend's birthday and I was going to her birthday party. "Aren't you guys a little old for that?" I'm 27. At my age, she was throwing bday parties for toddlers. (PS that is my actual birthday cake.)
  4. Athleisure everywhere
    My parents are solidly in the "jeans are comfortable!" camp. I always feel shy in spandex in my hometown, even if I'm literally headed straight for the gym.
  5. Mimosas for brunch
    My mom was genuinely horrified when I once brought this up. I think she had this mental image of me dumping whiskey in my coffee to take the edge off on a Saturday morning (rather than, you know, enjoying slightly crappy champagne and OJ with my pancakes out at a restaurant). (Actually-- really any kind of alcohol, even in moderation, is kinda worrying to them. My parents and quite a lot of our dry-county neighbors are teetotalers.)
  6. ...brunch in general
    They're early risers and would probably be starving by the time they got their table at Founding Farmers.
  7. Concerts all the time
    ....I don't think this actually falls under "yuppie crap she doesn't get." It's more "child you gotta learn some fiscal responsibility."
  8. Walking everywhere
    Again, this isn't a "yuppie nonsense" item-- she just worries. I think she has this mental image of me shambling along in the grass beside roaring cars and semis (like in the country) instead of being one of 573837373 men and women headed home at night, on sidewalks, after the gym/after work/after their absurd adult birthday parties. 🙃