Snarky reviews of classic ballets

Extra marks added for insane plotlines. I love ballet, but damn some of these are really emblematic of how racist things were! (not that we're much better now)
  1. Giselle. She falls in love with a prince who's pretending to be a peasant. Points for the Queen of the Willis for being fierce as fuck.
  2. Nutcracker. Fairly racist story of a girl who is kidnapped by a family friend, fights and kills the king of the rats with a shoe and travels to Candyland to see various 'ethnic' dances. At least she escapes at the end.
  3. The Pharaohs Daughter. Amazing dancing, but probably shouldn't ever do the blackface. Really, just don't.
  4. La Bayadere (the Temple Dancer). Woman falls in love. Her rival arranges for her to be killed by a snake. Then, somehow, an entire amazing white act of the most technical and brilliant Corps De Ballet dancing in all of ballet.
  5. Romeo and Juliet (the MacMillan version). The balcony scene is my favourite Pas de deux. Spine tingling. Music is amazeballs. Costumes can be awfully 1970s, depending on the company. Too much brown and orange.
  6. Swan Lake. Woman gets turned into a swan. Overthrows the Swan Queen and installs herself as leader. Young prince out hunting with his new bow and arrow attempts to kill her. They fall in love. The guy who turned her into a swan turns his daughter into an identical version of her, but with black feathers and sex appeal. They all die.