The 10 Stages of a Uti
I've had too many to count... I guess you can say I'm an expert, but it's not something I'm proud of.
- 1.Random Sudden Urge to Pee Your PantsYou are doing something super normal, like washing dishes or eating cookie dough, and then all of a sudden you literally feel like you've been holding your pee for 17 hours and that you will burst. You go to the bathroom just in time and have a normal urine release. Ahhhhh.
- 2.Mind wonderingThat last stage was a little too random. So you start wondering if this is the first stages of a UTI or if you just really had to pee. You stop thinking about it cus you are worried you'll jinx it and if you say it out loud you will definitely have a UTI (it's like Beetlejuice logic).
- 3.Liquid chuggingTo be cautious, you chug more water (and cranberry juice) in 15 minutes than you usually do in a whole day. Flush the demon out (who you still aren't completely accepting is a UTI).
- 4.Stopped in Your TracksNot only did you almost just pee yourself while walking to your car, you had to stop in your tracks because any movement will definitely open the flood gates. You are certain you've never had to pee this bad in your entire life.
- 5.Broken FaucetWhen you go to pee, and one drop comes out... That's not normal... You just chugged all that liquid...
- 6.🔥🔥🔥Immediately after stage 5 is the burning at the end of your droplets...it kinda feels good cus it's relieving but it also feels like your urethra is being used as a candle wick.
- 7.AcceptanceAlright. You definitely have a UTI. No denying it. No turning back. Gotta call Doc and get antibiotics.
- 8.Azo ReliefNow that you've accepted your UTI, you need some relief. So you take the over the counter BS that turns your pee bright orange. **Note to self: always wear panty liners after taking Azo... That shit stains!**
- 9.Slight Back AcheYou are either in the waiting room or the exam room or the line at the pharmacy and suddenly your back starts hurting... Is this the kind they warn you about? Is this the beginning of the kidney infection? Breathe.... You can get through this. The finish line is right there. The pain is almost over.
- 10.AntibioticsFinally, after all of those stages... You have your prescription and all will be well.