Childhood Olympic Dreams: Expectation vs. Reality
Every Olympic year, winter or summer, I became determined to train for the Olympics. Sadly, I've always been horribly uncoordinated.
- •BECOME GOLD MEDAL OLYMPIC SWIMMER
- •Expectation:Cutting through that water like an majestic shark.
- •Reality:As a grown ass woman, I cannot swim. Also, I low key still afraid of the sharks in the shadowy parts of the pool.
- •BECOME GOLD MEDAL OLYMPIC GYMNAST
- •Expectation:Being the tiniest, most powerful, helicopter of a person.
- •Reality:Horribly uncoordinated. Lack luster inner ear. Upper body strength of a praying mantis.
- •BECOME GOLD MEDAL OLYMPIC DIVER
- •Expectation:Honestly, this isn't even about the Olympics. It's about Billboard Dad. Starring Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen.
- •Reality:This sad sack of potatoes. Also, afraid of heights.
- •BECOME GOLD MEDAL OLYMPIC FIGURE SKATER
- •Expectation:Nancy Kerigan
- •Reality:Tonya Harding. Also, poorly executed ice skating lessons that resulted in a face plant.
- •I COULD BE A GOLD MEDAL OLYMPIAN RIGHT NOW.
- •But I'm actually just a low level troll who judges impressive physical specimens from her bed.