Childhood Olympic Dreams: Expectation vs. Reality

Every Olympic year, winter or summer, I became determined to train for the Olympics. Sadly, I've always been horribly uncoordinated.
  1. BECOME GOLD MEDAL OLYMPIC SWIMMER
  2. Expectation:
    Cutting through that water like an majestic shark.
  3. Reality:
    As a grown ass woman, I cannot swim. Also, I low key still afraid of the sharks in the shadowy parts of the pool.
  4. BECOME GOLD MEDAL OLYMPIC GYMNAST
  5. Expectation:
    Being the tiniest, most powerful, helicopter of a person.
  6. Reality:
    Horribly uncoordinated. Lack luster inner ear. Upper body strength of a praying mantis.
  7. BECOME GOLD MEDAL OLYMPIC DIVER
  8. Expectation:
    Honestly, this isn't even about the Olympics. It's about Billboard Dad. Starring Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen.
  9. Reality:
    This sad sack of potatoes. Also, afraid of heights.
  10. BECOME GOLD MEDAL OLYMPIC FIGURE SKATER
  11. Expectation:
    Nancy Kerigan
  12. Reality:
    Tonya Harding. Also, poorly executed ice skating lessons that resulted in a face plant.
  13. I COULD BE A GOLD MEDAL OLYMPIAN RIGHT NOW.
  14. But I'm actually just a low level troll who judges impressive physical specimens from her bed.