I'm the One Who Brought Champagne and the Flu to the Party. πŸ™‹πŸΌ

I'm a few glasses of champagne deep. 🍾
  1. β€’
    I RSVP'd for this party. Only the hounds of hell can take me from an RSVP.
    I am respectful af.
  2. β€’
    But, unfortunately I have the flu.
    And blurred vision. And a fever. But this party is outdoors so I'm like totally not sharing my germs. (I'm a jerk)
  3. β€’
    I refuse to let the flu take away my holiday game. If I'm going down, I'm going down fighting.
    What covers up the fact that I'm coughing up horrific bodily substances like lipstick, amright?
  4. β€’
    Once I secured my drink I was like... Well what do I do, now?
    Where my introverts at? πŸ™‹πŸΌ
  5. β€’
    So I decided to try a new party strategy.
    How long can I sit in this one cozy seat and not have to diversify my social outlet.
  6. β€’
    So, as I sat on my throne the following topics surrounded me over the entire length of the party.
  7. β€’
    A political debate about whether we should have a two party system or a multi-party system.
  8. β€’
    "I dropped my blow job salad and had to get on my knees for it."
    Favorite quote of the night. Hands down. πŸ˜‰
  9. β€’
    "I'm not even drunk! I'm just obnoxious. "
  10. β€’
    "This isn't even that bad of wine. It's like a four"
    "But would you date a four?" (I've never heard a better comeback.)
  11. β€’
    "Life is too short for shitty wine. "
  12. β€’
    How Instagram is the perfectly curated version of a person's existence.
    And how, in the context of teens, this is kind of terrifying.
  13. β€’
    The Orange County public school system.
  14. β€’
    All in all, I highly recommend this strategy to all my fellow party haters out there.
  15. β€’
    Anticlimactic ? Yep! CHEERS! 🍾🍾🍾