Ways This Funeral Could've Gone Better.
Yes, it was a funeral. But, it was also a comedy of errors.
- •If it wasn't on a slope.It took place on the slope of a hill. I was doing a side lunge through most of the service.
- •If the CD on the BOOMBOX wasn't scratched.The CD was scratched as we listened to 80's contemporary Christian tunes.
- •If the Navy had (ironically) been on time.So much for punctuality, sirs.
- •If the albino soloist had also been on time.There's nothing more obvious than an albino male hiking up hill in the sun at high noon.
- •If the Navy Men knew how to fold a flag.I felt so much anxiety just watching them. As we all watch them attempt to fold a flag... And repeatedly having to restart because it's askew.
- •If the trumpet player could get his trumpet back in its case.The struggle is real for this guy. He can't fold a flag... He can't get his trumpet in the case. He fumbles with the latches as his comrade waits in a salute.
- •If the albino soloist remembered the words to the hymn he chose.Instead of awkwardly stopping... Stuttering... Restarting...