MY PROUDEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS

  1. Finishing this bottle of wine.
  2. Mondays. All of them. And Tuesdays.
  3. Not getting food on my shirt or pants.
  4. Remembering when my laundry is done drying.
  5. Paying bills and still having money.
  6. Talking to Comcast.
  7. Not tripping.
  8. Loving my cat even though she's a possessed demon.
  9. I haven't cracked my phone screen.
  10. Anytime I don't eat all the cookie dough.
  11. Anytime I do eat all of the cookie dough.
  12. Not getting sick from eating cookie dough.
  13. This list.