Being Seen

A friend of mine likes to occasionally go on pointed FB tirades about selfies and the people who post them. I'm usually one she's talking about, and I admit I post a lot, but here's why.
  1. Me, 3 years ago.
    I used to hate pictures of myself, rarely took them. Really it was that I used to hate myself. I hated what my marriage had become, what it was doing to our children, how I was allowing my husband to treat me. I look at this and see how tired I was and how hard I was trying to look like it was all ok, smoothing it all over with filters and photoshop. I didn't want people to see me. I didn't want to see myself.
  2. Feb. 2015
    My marriage was officially over. This selfie marked the beginning of new things. Opening myself up to possibilities. Showing myself, looking at myself, and thinking "You know, it's not so bad. It's really not so bad. I can do this." But I was still afraid of who I really was (a newly single 40 year old woman who hadn't dated since she was 17 and had been told that she was old and fat and no one would want her anymore), so I hid behind more filters.
  3. April 2015
    Beginning to venture into online dating, and selfies are part of the game. Still hiding behind filters (hello "artsy" sepia!), but that smile is getting more genuine.
  4. July 2015
    First honest to god unretouched selfie I was brave enough to post. Caught good lighting, but also just becoming more comfortable in my own skin. Remembering that I'm pretty ok.
  5. November 2015
    BIG moment. BIG. It's one thing to Snapchat this to my daughter, but I shared this unflattering but funny picture of myself on FB for all the world (including a few guys I was dating) to see. And guess what? Not one single person commented on how I looked! And the guys still talked to me! And the sky didn't fall!
  6. December 2015
    I could be silly and honest and real. (#honestchristmasmorningpic)
  7. February 2016
    Or just feelin' my look.
  8. June 2016
    I could look happy and carefree... because I felt exactly that in that moment. And wanted to see it. And wanted other people to know it.
  9. Yesterday, Aug. 18, 2016
    I can be glam at the beginning of the day, feeling confident and ready to kick ass at my job starting a new school year.
  10. Last night
    And then washed clean and tired.
  11. Right. Now.
    And it's all me. All of it. I'm here. And I'm worth being seen.