Gratitude/What My Depression Tells Me

  1. I'm struggling mightily with my depression today. Trying to find reasons to want to live, quite frankly. I'm going through my gratitude, but my depression is whispering in my ear all along the way. It's insidious.
  2. I have 5 brilliant, loving, gorgeous, funny kids who love me, and 3 of them are not done growing yet.
    (You've done nothing but screw up their lives. They will be a mess in their adult relationships and it's because you've been a terrible example. They'd be better off without you.)
  3. I have a wonderful family who has a supported me through thick and thin.
    (You're the family screw up and they're getting sick of always having to bail you out.)
  4. I have a boyfriend who had made sacrifices to support me and my family when he really didn't have to.
    (He's getting sick of all of this and it's too much stress. This isn't what he signed up for. None of this is his problem. He will get tired of dealing with you and your craziness and he'll leave. Or cheat on you. There's a million other women out there who would be less trouble and would make him happier.)
  5. I started a GoFundMe page and in just a few days, I've already almost raised our goal.
    (People think less of you because you're having to beg for money. If you had made better decisions, this wouldn't be happening to you. And it won't make a difference. Even if you do raise all the money, you'll be in the exact same place next month.)
  6. So many people here and on other sites have reached out to me and given me wonderful words of encouragement.
    (They think you're a loser. Half of them probably think you're making all of this up. They're tired of listening to you whine and moan about how hard your life is. They probably roll their eyes when they see your posts. There are people out there with bigger problems, yours are pathetic. You're not special.)
  7. My daughter is getting married in a few months to a wonderful man, and I will get to see her walk down the aisle.
    (You won't have enough money to even but a dress for it, let alone help her pay for anything. Her in-laws probably talk about how sad it is that both her parents are pathetic losers who can't help their own daughter. They will pay for it all and judge you for not being able to even get a hotel room. You can't even afford a hotel room to your daughter's wedding. So pathetic.)
  8. My middle daughter is going to a political science camp this week that she's been looking forward to all summer.
    (You have to ask your 17 year old daughter for gas money to pay to take her to camp. You can't even afford to do that for her. You're a bad mother and they deserve much better than you.)
  9. I am working. 2 jobs. So many people don't even have one. And one of them is very fulfilling, helping kids who need to eat.
    (Yeah. 2 jobs and you still can't pay your bills. And you can't even feed your own kids most days. All you do is think about money and figure and figure and work and work and it's still not enough. It won't be enough. And you never see your kids and when you do, you're tired and in a bad mood. You're stressing everyone out. You're fucking everything up. You're failing them.)
  10. The whispers are winning today. Maybe I'll have the strength tomorrow to shut them out. I'm trying.