Is It Selfish?
Needing some advice. It's long, sorry.
- •I've been dating Ben for a year and some change and I love him. That's not in question at all.
- •He lives an hour and a half away. We met on OkC , and while it was never my intention to be in a serious relationship with someone long distance, I wasn't expecting Ben.
- •Because of my custody schedule and my kids' schedules (who are all teenagers and adults) and his work schedule, our visits are primarily relegated to my two weekends a month without kids, with the occasional family weekend. He's met all my kids, they've spent time together, but we're not usually all together at once.
- •I've been very open from the beginning that moving is not an option for me until my kids are out of high school (3.5 years). I also made it clear long distance is not something I'm good at for extended periods. But things have progressed. This is serious. Like... marriage talk serious.
- •Ben's lease is up in August. We talked a lot and he decided he really wanted to move up here at that point. I was terrified but SO excited!! I live in a small town, but I knew he wouldn't have any trouble finding a job. He's a jack of all trades.
- •The kids love him, he loves the kids, I love them all. ☺ It was time. We hadn't set the kids down and told them, but it was coming.
- •But, due to unforeseen circumstances, he had to look for a new job recently. And he got one. A really good one! One that he loves and has great benefits and pays better than any other job he's ever had with room for advancement! He's so happy and proud!
- •I bet you can see where this is going...
- •I'm soooo happy for him and proud of how proud he is, I truly am. But it means he doesn't want to move in August, he wants to see where this can take him. And I can't really blame him.
- •He does not want to break up. He insists that we can make it work, that it will be fine, that 3 and a half years is totally doable, and who knows, it may not even be that long, the job may play out before then. He even said there was no reason to put off getting married, although we won't be living together.
- •I love him. I do. I have no doubt he loves me. And I don't want to take away from the joy he's experiencing in his new job. But I know I don't want to keep doing what we're doing for 3 more years. It's exhausting. On hard days, when all I want in the whole wide world is to just have a hug from him, I have to settle for his face on a screen.
- •I have to say something. Does that make me selfish?
- •I've been around long enough to know that you can love someone so much. And it still doesn't work out.