SCHADENFREUDE DELUXE (TRUE STORY)
I haven't been sure if I should share this, but if you've read enough of my lists, I think you can see the humor. I hope. 😮😄
- •Several years ago, I was in a very dark place. My marriage was beginning to fall apart at the seams, we were living in a new town and I didn't have anyone to confide in, and I was an exhausted mother of five young children.
- •My depression peaked and I became suicidal. So desperate was I to escape the pain that late one night I took a bunch of Tylenol PM. I instantly regretted it and immediately made myself throw them up.
- •I knew I needed to reach out to someone right away, so I did the only thing I could think to do that late at night. I called the suicide hotline. I remember it vividly and wrote it in my journal right away. Here's the conversation that transpired:
- •Phone ringing: "Hello, National Suicide Hotline, Jeff speaking. Can you tell me why you're calling tonight?"
- •Me (thinking to myself that it should be fairly obvious): "Well...I want to commit suicide."
- •Jeff: "Oh I'm sorry to hear that. Uhhh... (pause, rifling sound in background) Uhhh...I need to, uhhh...put you on hold. I'm so sorry but I need to put you on hold..."
- •Me: "Ummm...(is this normal to do to a suicidal person??)...okay?"
- •Jeff: "... okay... sorry..." (Click)
- •Hold music begins to play.
- •"I'M WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE, WHOOOA OH, I'M WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE, WHOOOA OH, I'M WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE, WHOOOOOA OOOOH OH, AND DON'T IT FEEL GOOD!!!"
- •That's right.
- •Not only had I been PUT ON HOLD
- •BY THE SUICIDE HOTLINE
- •The hold music was Katrina and the fucking Waves.
- •The absurdity of it all hit me like a ton of bricks and I started giggling hysterically.
- •That's when I knew I would be okay. And I was. ☺