Things Heard While Carving Pumpkins With My Teenagers

  1. "Look at those fleek ass eyebrows on this pumpkin."
  2. "Branwen should have a pumpkin carving station at her wedding. I'm snapping her that."
    My oldest is getting married in a year. 😊
  3. "Remember when we used to make hella fun of Charlie Puth's fucked up eyebrow, but then we found out it was actually the result of a vicious dog attack when he was younger, and we felt like such catty bitches?"
  4. "Imma just stab it and see where this goes."
  5. "Oh shit, I got pumpkin on my titty."
  6. "You gotta watch your use of negative space, brah."
  7. "I've... I've gone too far. I've overdone."