Or, "How I struggle with human interaction". Real Life Scenario: chatting with cute guy on train about foods the city is known for.
  1. Him: Have you heard of Ben & Jerry's?
  2. Me: Um. Yes.
    Interior dialogue: The #@$%? Who hasn't heard of Ben & Jerry's? What, does he think I'm some kind of idiot yokel just because I'm not from here?
  3. Him: Oh, yeah, well the first one started here in San Francisco!
  4. Me: What? Where? No way!
    Interior dialogue: I'm pretty sure it started in Vermont. Like it says that on all of its packages. And I should know, in college I used to have the price of Chunky Monkey memorized so I could calculate the savings whenever they'd go on sale at the grocery store.
  5. Him: Yeah, do you know Haight street?
  6. Me: Oh, if that's the one you're talking about I've been right there but didn't stop in.
    Interior dialogue: Why does this guy assume I know nothing? It's only the birthplace of the hippie movement. I wonder if the other people on this train are listening to everything we're saying. It's not like strangers normally talk to each other. Does it seem like I'm flirting? I both do and do not want it seem like I'm flirting.
  7. Me: I thought it started in Vermont?
    Interior dialogue: actually I'm 100% sure it was Vermont. Remember that time you watched that documentary about the history of Ben & Jerry's? Don't tell him you've watched a documentary about Ben & Jerry's.
  8. Him: Mmmmm, I'm pretty sure that's the first Ben & Jerry's shop!
  9. Me: Weeeeeell, okay.
    Interior dialogue: You are wrong, dear boy, but I don't want to be rude or seem like a know-it-all who watches documentaries about Ben & Jerry's.
  10. Him: Ha ha! Just Google it when you get home. You'll be like, "That guy on the train was right!"
  11. Me: Ha ha, I'll be sure to do that later.
    Interior dialogue: Dang it, now he's making me doubt my knowledge. How are boys so sure of themselves even when they shouldn't be? REMEMBER THE PACKAGING! REMEMBER THE MANY BEN & JERRY'S SHOPS YOU HAVE ENTERED! REMEMBER READING ABOUT BEN & JERRY'S WHEN RESEARCHING WELL-RUN CORPORATE SOCIAL MEDIA!
  12. *Googles the history of Ben & Jerry's the next day*
  13. "With a $5 correspondence course in ice cream-making from Penn State and a $12,000 investment ($4,000 of it borrowed), Ben and Jerry open their first ice cream scoop shop in a renovated gas station in Burlington, Vermont."
    Interior dialogue: I KNEW IT.
  14. Me to self: Screw this, no more hiding your Hermione-Granger-know-it-all side just because you don't want to be unpleasant. You're too much of a feminist for that crap. Girl power!
    Interior dialogue: Even though I guess the whole "Cherry Garcia" thing is a logical jump to Haight so I can see why he thought that.
  15. *Sigh* . . . I need some Chunky Monkey.