WHY SALEM THE ANIMATRONIC CAT IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL

People always assume I'm a cat person but I'm actually a dog person who is a cat.
  1. World domination is our m.o.
  2. We're hip and keep it real
  3. Caring is hard sometimes
  4. Dapper as heck
  5. It's important to admit our mistakes
  6. Don't mess
  7. We understand the anguish of having a celebrity crush
  8. We make the best out of bad hair days
  9. Granny chic looks great on us
  10. Every time I try to use FaceTime
  11. We understand the best way to celebrate your direct deposit arriving
  12. Something I say at least once a week 💅🏻
  13. Awkward phases. We had them.
  14. Treat yo' self is a mantra he and I can get behind
  15. Youths are our mortal enemies
  16. This is exactly how I address the woman who threads my eyebrows
  17. MmmmMmmmHHHHMMM *finger snaps*
  18. How we would spend our Powerball winnings
  19. Tough love is the only love
  20. Studying other languages is important
  21. At least mine's mostly internal
  22. My answer to any math question
  23. At least we know we're hilarious
  24. Just a couple of lovable curmudgeons
  25. Fashion is for fun!
  26. Anytime fries or pizza are nearby
  27. Our idea of sexy underwear
  28. Oldest child syndrome
  29. *Puts on too much eyeliner and dark lipstick*
  30. Werk!
  31. 💛🍩💚🍔💙🍕💜🌮❤️🍟💗🌭
  32. 💜🍦💚🍪💙🍗💛🧀❤️🌽
  33. 🍓🍇🍉🍌🍒🍑🍍🍅🌶🧀🍔🍗🍖🍟🌭🌮🌯🍕🍤🍝🍳🍰🍦🍿🍪🍩