No, no. Not existential melancholy. Not the ennui that accompanies privilege. Not the numbness wrought by an increasingly technological society. We're going to a more permanent and inexplicable place today. Why? Because I think it's kind of an interesting phenomenon when viewed objectively and not as suffering. Good for character study?
  1. Vision
    Instead of rosy glasses, gray. Everything filtered through a stubborn lens of monochromatic, cold gray. You're aware that the glasses are on, that this isn't neutral and it isn't you. But they're stuck to your face and you cannot physically remove them. Sometimes you can even laugh at the divide between the you who recognizes this and the you who experiences it. That's fun.
  2. Motion
    Instead of a roller coaster ride with steady climbs and exhilarating cascades, a slow and rickety subway that dutifully creeps along the tracks. You don't even know what the destination is, but at least when you're "moving" people don't ask questions. You like the part where the lights flicker and it's dark for a split second and you feel invisible.
  3. Sound
    No sad music. Ever. Sad music is for amateur hour. Those people want to feel their feelings, which sounds crazy to you. But this? No sad music for this. This is not the variety of melancholy that becomes an aesthetic. Do not listen to any song that will remotely tempt you to feel anything at all, because once you start feeling you lose the day. Pop & rap and anything that goes fast & does not "feel all the feels" are advisable. Take your feels elsewhere. Those things are legitimately dangerous.
  4. Tactility + Meaning, Part 1
    Nothing matters. You stare at people excited about "coffee" or "work" or "politics" or "vacation" or "he said she said" in wonderment. They seem to you like kindly puppies inexplicably excited about chew toys. That sounds condescending but in truth you admire them. You wonder what it would feel like to be excited about those things.
  5. Tactility + Meaning, Part 2
    Everything matters. Every cell in your body feels painfully sensitive to each ray of sun and gust of wind. The traffic, weather, the state of the world, the way so-and-so signed off on email... these things feel violent to you. You don't talk to very many people because you don't have the energy to a) self-protect against what might happen, and/or b) pretend to be happy and interested so that the other person feels like everything is okay.
  6. Taste: Substance Abuse
    Substance abuse look tempting? No, no, no. Put it down. That stuff will drain your bank account, expand your waistline and soften your beautiful edges. Don't do that. It's more trouble than it's worth.
  7. See/Hear: Entertainment
    Comedy is fine, if this is a subtle gray period. But the darker this gets, you may skew toward the darkest of tastes in entertainment. Watching psychologically twisted and generally mysterious/tense/horrific stories unfold makes you feel like a regular Pollyanna! Either that or the darkest comedies, which will send you into hysterical fits of laughter. Entertainment will be your church.
  8. In Conclusion
    Listen to One Direction and binge-watch Happy Valley? I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure I'm onto something here. Also walking through a cemetery is good, as it will infuse you with perspective (and maybe spirits too, which is cool because you're in the company of folks with whom you do not need to put on airs).