IMAGINARY ESTABLISHMENTS ON VENICE'S ABBOT KINNEY BLVD.
By me, @maxosswald and our friends LMA & GKN.
- •AmpersandAn artisanal manufacturer of stationery made from flax, tarro, and other ancient grains. Half of all proceeds go to teaching grainsmanship to under-privileged children.
- •Butter's CousinA gluten free, vegan, holistic bakery specializing in non-toxic edible pottery.
- •Tack & PaddockAn equestrian-themed leisure club boasting both the equipment and the grounds to fulfill members' thirst for classic, hand-crafted divertisements. No phones allowed. Thoroughbred-adjacent photos by Mark Seliger available upon request.
- •Halibut KinneyVenice's premier aqua preserve for pescatarian yoga.
- •Mortar & PestleA speakeasy serving craft cocktails made exclusively with herbs we grow in our community garden. Our man-bunned mixologists grind the herbs by hand upon request. For a fee, our in-house Reiki astrologer can recommend an appropriate herb tincture for your aura.
- •VialA biodynamic homeopathic Wiccan apothecary selling hand-crafted artisan potions and unguents made under the light of the full moon or dark of the new moon.
- •A Morel DilemmaOrganic mushrooms and lectures on the ethics of truffling.
- •Juniper RisingA small batch gin mill with a menu of 213 hand selected botanicals to personally craft your own bottle of artisan gin.
- •Hen of the WoodsA fellowship of Venice-based mothers whose feeding philosophy is "only breastmilk and mushrooms for the first 6 years."
- •The _____ Method™A fusion of non-verbal mirroring and neo-Alexander Technique that will revolutionize your acting career. Prerequisites include: 10-day silent meditation retreat in Joshua Tree and $795 non-refundable deposit. Celebrity testimonials available upon request via password-protected website.
- •As the Crow FliesPaper airplanes made out of vintage Cuban newspapers, as well as one-of-a-kind organic jewelry comprised of lacquered found objects. Said objects are sourced exclusively from the beaks of free-range crows. The jewelry should sit near your pulse points, therein connecting you most deeply to the "lost spirit of the scavenger."
- •Love-in-IdlenessHandcrafted colonics made only from botanicals grown in their own biodynamic Shakespeare Garden which are then lovingly administered into your nethers by Queen Mab herself.
- •j a c k + g i n g e rSouthern-inspired children's boutique.
- •( ) Shirt. ( ) Shoes. ( ) Service.Non-profit bourbon bar brought to you by the same proprietors as j a c k + g i n g e r. Their next venture (opening in early 2017) is a French ice milk collective focusing exclusively on classic Ladurée flavors. It will be named for their children, Paien + Parfait.
- •BarnacleThe only place you can buy hand knitted sweaters in the pattern of British Colonial maritime flags using yarn that was hand spun on their antique red wood loom.
- •Ink & QuillNo one knows what this is, but there's a waiting list.