Inspired by "Better the Second Day," which was inspired by last night's French fries. #Inception
  1. Sushi
    Raw fish becomes suspect on day two. It a) doesn't taste as good, and b) may or may not be hazardous to your health. The rice is cold and soggy. Especially if there's soy sauce on it from the work you put in last night. Let it go. This was never meant to last.
  2. French Fries
    Mushy. May visually resemble former glory, but do not be fooled. They cannot be resurrected. These fries are shadows of their former selves.
  3. One Night Stands
    Morning light spills through the cracks in the blinds, illuminating the face of the stranger lying next to you. It's almost poetic in its potential, until reality encroaches on the dreamlike state that dominated night before, and the scene becomes borderline grotesque. There is no scenario in which this could be anything other than what it was. Tell yourself, "I'm so hot! I am empowered by my sexuality!" And then get the hell out.
  4. Fresh Sheets
    Freshly laundered sheets pulled super tightly across a fluffy, freshly made bed with no wrinkles and hospital corners (thanks, Mom) and the chilly crispness that only happens that very first time you peel down the comforter and slide in = HEAVEN ON EARTH. I'm sorry, but it's not the same after you've messed it up with your skin, hair, sweat, body mass and leg movements. Le sigh.
  5. A Clean Shave
    Not the same a day later. Not the same hours later. Not even the same five minutes later if you get goosebumps for whatever reason. Unless you're one of those hairless people, but I don't know anything about that life.
  6. Fish
    Fish & chips. Fried calamari. Lobster roll. Roasted branzino. Blackened salmon. Pan seared snapper. Oysters. Steamers. Even your favorite mussels dipped in butter with delicious croutons. Not the same. Doesn't hold up. Gets weird. Might even get gross. Eat it for dinner and then leave it the fuck alone (this coming from someone who always takes her leftovers home and so *obviously* knows all of the secrets to life).
  7. Smoothies
    They separate into solid and liquid. You can, of course, remix them, but to be honest the thrill is gone and I want something else for breakfast. Unless we're making fresh smoothies. Then it's exciting again.
  8. Salads
    Fruit salad. Greek salad. Kale salad. If there is a liquid component (the natural juices from fruit, any kind of dressing) you're screwed. What was crisp is now soft. The green has turned brownish. The glistening olive oil has collected on the bottom of the bowl, leaving the leaves soggy and dull. The exception is chopped salad, but that doesn't count, as it is mostly chopped meats and garbanzo beans, you know?
  9. Excellent News
    Thank the heavens! Pop open the champagne! You did it! 🏆But as with most things, we assimilate excellent news into our baseline psychology & soon go back to having the same issues (or lack thereof) we had before. There's this study about lottery winners & amputees: years after winning/losing, they were mostly equal in happiness. Maybe the amputees were even happier because they had learned something. Anyway, enjoy the moment. It won't last. And that's okay! Life is cyclical. ❤️
  10. The Emotional Email
    Victory! You showed him/her. You got on that email & expressed the paragraphs-long stream of genius that's gonna make him/her love you, forgive you, hate himself/herself, apologize, beg forgiveness, give you what you want, validate you, have a change of heart, think you're the cleverest, most empathetic, emotionally intelligent creature. The next day you realize you've acted WAY too soon. A better plan: save as a draft & do a George Carlin 10 Commandments edit in the morning. Brevity is badass.