Things I'm Proud of Today

In no particular order
  1. The interpretive dance I did this morning to the House of Cards theme song.
  2. How early in her career I knew about Lana Del Rey.
    WHEN SHE WENT BY LIZZIE GRANT!
  3. These giraffe shorts I ripped wide open while giving my friend a lapdance on her birthday.
  4. These dinosaur shorts that are still intact.
    Dinoshorts.
  5. This piece of a paperclip I am currently using to keep my sunglasses alive.