7 DAYS, 0 WIFI, AND 30 KNOTS OF FUNNNNNN

A list for my memory. (alternatively titled: ALL THE LISTS ID HAVE WRITTEN IF THERE WAS WIFI ON THIS DAMN SHIP)
  1. In a world...world...world....
  2. With no wifi... wifi...wifiiiiii
  3. Seven women.
  4. Must learn.
  5. How to entertain themselves.
  6. With only six bottles of wine, the bitterness of their sunburns, the bones of their wit, and the observations of "cruise people" among them.
  7. They also have two seasons of Gilmore girls, like five million books, and access to endless cheese fries.
  8. Will. They. Surviiiiiiiive?
    Yes. Yes, of course they will.
  9. STARRING
  10. Karen "Find me in the casino" Scales
  11. Aunt Terry "Ladies, give me all your types so I know what to look for"
  12. Haley "You ever think about your body falling to the bottom of the ocean never to be found again?" Halbert
  13. Jordan "I don't need sunscreen" Scales
  14. Bailey "Gonna start these probiotics on the cruise" Scales
  15. Becky "400 pages in a day" Wornhoff
  16. And me! Brynelle "Yeah, they're my sisters. I was adopted, you ASS" Rozario
  17. Leeeet's cruuuuuiiiiise!
  18. THOUGHTS I HAD AT THE "CRUISE ELEGANT" DINNER
  19. This must be how Jack felt when he had to get all dressed up for that fancy dinner with Rose.
  20. Ugh. When do we get to go to that bangin Irish party on the lower deck?
  21. This is nothing like the titanic.
  22. Like how did this ship even get made?
  23. It's like there were fifty different designers and they didn't communicate. NOT ONCE.
  24. The tile guy was like, "ooh, I like this patterned tile with five million colors on it." And then the carpet guy was like "ooh, I like this patterned carpet with like five million colors on it."
    Then at the grand unveiling of the ship, they finally meet and they're like "whoa, how strange is it that none of my five million colors are the same as any of your five million colors?" "Who woulda thought?"
  25. And where exactly does all the poop go?
    do NOT tell me it goes into the ocean.
  26. And where exactly does the electricity come from?
  27. Does Orland, the cruise photographer, call other people Shawty? Or just me?
    I think we're his favorite cruise people. I'm gonna miss Orland. He's so good at directing cruise photography. He's gonna make it big one day.
  28. And what exactly is Amanda Bynes doing at this very moment?
  29. CRUISE GAMES
  30. 1, 2, 3, He's Yours!
    (From Gilmore girls) Find a high traffic place where people walk by a lot. You have three opportunities to choose your husband. You can choose the first guy that walks past you. If you pass the first, you can choose or pass the second guy. If you pass the second guy, you're STUCK with the third guy! What a hoot! Dangerous to play on a cruise! Lotta weirdos, ya know.
  31. Play Catan in the middle of the cafeteria, for alllllllll those judgmental assholes to walk by and stare at you building your gahddamn EMPIRE.
  32. Write down all the things you want to google once you have wifi again.
  33. Try and write down every lyric to "Take Me to Church" by Hozier.
  34. Try and write down every lyric to "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga.
  35. Just lay there. Literally, just lay down.
  36. I WONDER HOW THE HANDBELL TOUR IS GOING
  37. They're all together. Without me.
  38. I wonder if Karen lost her folder again.
  39. I wonder if she's filed a police report yet.
  40. I wonder if they're making memories right now
  41. I hope not.
  42. ALL THE PLACES I COULD FALL IN LOVE ON THIS CRUISE
  43. In the cheese fries line.
  44. In the club.
    Lolololihahahahahahahalololol
  45. In the elevator. A really big wave causes me to lose my balance and accidentally bump into the other person in the elevator. Voilà, a meet cute!
  46. In the serenity deck. Aunt Terry being my wing woman, of course.
  47. At the "Fun Force" forced fun break dancing tutorial.
  48. At the slot machines.
  49. MY CRUISE NEMESES
  50. Jace, the cruise director.
    The sound of his voice, UGH. And his stupid face AGH. LET ME LIVE JACE UGHHHHH
  51. Sherry, Jamie, and their kids.
    For making me sit through their entire family singing "Whip It" together at karaoke night. YOURE EMBARASSING ME SHERRY AND JAMIE
  52. Eli, the ten year old little asshole on our cave tubing excursion.
    Lord, I hope he grows out of this.
  53. WOW READING
  54. Like, WOW reading?!?
  55. Did yall even know?
  56. Reading, amirite?
  57. WOW, guys.
  58. Readinggggggg
  59. IF I WORKED FOR THE BELIZE TOURISM DEPARTMENT, I'D GO HAM
    With the following:
  60. We're unbelizable!
  61. You betta Belize it!
    I think it's law that every citizen of Belize put one of these bumper stickers on their vehicles.
  62. Don't stop Belize-ing!
  63. Belize and thank you! 🙏
  64. I'll Belize it when I see it!
  65. Do you Belize in life after love?
  66. All you have to do is Belize in yourself!
  67. I CAN TOTALLY LIVE WITHOUT WIFI. EXCEEEEEPT...
  68. When I'm in the line to the cheese fries, and I'm bored as all hell.
  69. When I'm lying in my bed and I'm bored as all hell.
  70. When I get lost and I'm bored as all hell.
  71. When I NEEEEEEEED to IMDB.
  72. IN CONCLUSION
  73. Cruises
  74. Are
  75. Fun
  76. But
  77. Wifi
  78. Is a
  79. Basic
  80. Human
  81. Right.
  82. Amen. 🙏
  83. I SAID AMEN