A Tour of Abraham Lincoln's Family Home

Last week I visited Springfield, IL and toured the Abraham Lincoln House, making it my 9th time taking the tour. In other words I've been there enough times to completely memorize the tour script AND be on a first name basis with the Mary Todd impersonator. Allow me to guide you through the house!
  1. Here's the exterior of the Lincoln household. Mary and Abe married sometime in the 1800s idk. As it turned out their relationship was the loooongest will-they-won't-they of the century. But they locked it down eventually and bought this house.
  2. Coming inside, the first room is the front parlor. It was in this room that Abe accepted his presidential nomination.
  3. Basically, 30 strange men knocked on their door and were like "hey what's good Abe. we just came from the republican national convention. Do you wanna be president or nah?" And Abe was all like "yaaaaaas" and Mary was like "Abe dafug u doin you don't even know these guys" and Abe was like "babe. chill" and then Abe became president.
  4. Following the parlor, is the kitchen. This is where the Lincolns ate their meals!
  5. Interestingly enough, of all the presidents, Lincoln had the fastest metabolism. Closely followed by president Taft.
  6. Here, we have the sitting room, where the Lincoln children would hang out and play monopoly and watch Arthur probably.
  7. Apparently Abe bought his children a stereoscope so that they could learn about the pyramids and not grow up dumb. This would be the modern day equivalent of buying your children a hover board scooter so that they could learn about the pyramids and not become dumb.
  8. Upstairs, we have the bedrooms. Here is a sample of the bed/wallpaper/carpet combo Mrs. Lincoln went with.
  9. Interestingly enough, mrs. Lincoln was also on crack in the 1840s.
  10. Abe and Mary stayed in this room. One night Mary was all like "Abe wyd it's 3am like literally all you have to write is 'see you in the White House my bitches'"and Abe was like "baaaaabe u kno I gotta find a way to say 'fourscore' at least 3 more times" and then Mary was like "fuuuuck this noise imma get my own room" And then she got her own room.
  11. Now. If you wanna see just how tall president Lincoln was, have a look at his shaving mirror. Most people know that Abe was a healthy 6'4 but what people don't know is that Mary Todd was a pretty impressive 5 foot nothing.
  12. I know what y'all are thinking and the answer is yes. Abe and Mary WERE the Hayden Panettiere and Wladimir Klitschko of the 1840s.
  13. Moving on to the children's rooms. Abe and Mary had four boys: Robert, Eddie, Willie, and Tad.
  14. Fun fact! Do you see the size of this room?!
  15. Now do you see those wooden play steps in the corner?
  16. Alright now do you see the marbles sitting next to the steps?
  17. Interestingly enough, the size of that marble was literally the size of Abe's childhood log cabin that he shared with 11 family members. Crazy! I know!
  18. Backing up downstairs to the kitchen, we see Mary's iron stove that she insisted on bringing to the White House but Abe was all like "babe. Prettttty sure there are like 50 stoves in the White House" and Mary was like "yeah but this one's bitchin" And Abe was like "we'll be back here in 8 years, Mare. Chill."
  19. Unfortunately, none of the Lincolns would ever return to this house. Abe ended up getting shot at the theatre and Willie, Eddie, and Tad all died of TB probably.
    It was ROUGH for Mary Todd Lincoln. After Abe died, she moved to Chicago and started being all superstitious and paranoid. Like she though people were trying to poison her and then her only living son put her in an insane asylum and then she spent a couple years in France and fell off a ladder and then had to go back to Illinois and died a couple years later.
  20. All of the Lincoln's (apart from Robert) are buried at Oak Ridge Cemetery.
  21. And now, we make our way out the back door. Just a few steps over is the outhouse. Interestingly enough, this is where the Lincoln's would take their poops.
  22. And thus concludes our tour. Don't forget to visit the gift shop on your way out and say hello to Mary Todd!