Lin, get on this.
  1. Bob Ross
    This would be fire. The story of a boy born in Daytona Beach to a carpenter father. (Biblical parallels) In a tragic carpentry accident, he loses part of his left index finger. But it does not stop him from achieving his dream of bringing the joy of painting into the homes of every American.
  2. Betty White
    The Justin Timberlake of the Golden Girls. Tell me Betty White rapping wouldn't make millions.
  3. Malala
    I imagine the opening number to be Malala rapping about how hot Roger Federer is then a harsh cut to her rapping about the benefits of early education for girls.
  4. Oprah
    Oprah has LIVED. I'm serious, please please read her Wikipedia page. That woman is indestructible.
  5. Joshua Bell
    A boy goes from playing violin in the New York subway to making middle aged women across America swoon. I imagine one of the numbers being a detailed how-to on the perfect hair flip while playing Paganini flawlessly.
  6. Mary D'Angelo (my theo professor)
    Really cool old lady. A true geriatric starlet. Doesn't have time for your misogynist bullshit. Would open with the line, "Let me tell you about the time I had martinis with Margaret Atwood"
  7. Ina Garten @InaGarten
    Can you imagine Jeffrey rapping about how good Ina's food is?! Basically Jeffrey rapping anything would be bomb. And Ina's a cool lady. Self taught cook builds an empire. Pretty swag.
  8. Theodore Roosevelt
    Pretty sure the Rough Riders were the original rap collective.
    Suggested by @bailey