WAYS I WAS A GARBAGE PERSON THIS WEEK

🍷🍷🍷Here's to cleansing my spirit and renouncing satan
  1. On Tuesday, I braided my hair and it turned into one giant dread.
    I lost my comb on Sunday.
  2. A bunch of my friends came to my room to watch TV. I didn't have pants on. I knew they were coming over. But I didn't put pants on.
  3. In a 36 hour period, the only things I did were watch tv, sleep, go to a 50 minute class, and go to Einsteins Bagels.
    In retrospect, shoulda gotten that Einsteins delivered.
  4. I found some loose mints in my jacket pocket and ATE THEM.
  5. I told random strangers that Willy Wonka eats the children at the end of the movie. And also that Roald Dahl was an anti-Semite.
  6. I punched a baby in the face.
  7. 🍷🍷🍷today is a new day 👋