I was forced to rewatch this on a choir bus tour with thirty sopranos belting out "All I Ask." Here are the reasons that was hell on earth.
  1. It is pedo.
    Emmy Rossum was 16 and Gerard Butler was THIR-TY. Ugh.
  2. It is tacky af.
    I legit cannot not laugh in any scene the phantom is trying to be serious or that scene when Raoul is fighting the phantom but also singing at the same time. The phantom's cave is what I'd imagine a sixth grade cheerleader would decorate if she was going through a brief goth phase. Ugh.
  3. Patrick Wilson's hair is menace to society.
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  4. The phantom is a creepy stalker who lures a young girl to his man cave and then puts her to sleep.
    Dat ain't cute. Can we just not with the stalking being somehow an attractive quality? Ugh.
  5. Christine has no spine.
    Did Andrew Lloyd Webber write this or Norman Mailer? Christine is a pinball. And the flippers her two suitors.
  6. Only thing redeemable is the music. And Minnie Driver.
    "Music of the Night" is a melodic masterpiece.
  7. Never again.