Because of all the useless things in the world, there's little I can't do.
  1. Noticing when you get a haircut and making a tasteful comment about it
  2. Befriending your parents so that they occasionally ask "How's that Bianca girl doing?" to which you will always reply something unintelligible, and they will never get the answer they want
  3. Discussing the wonders of a healthy lifestyle while eating something a) fried b) deep fried c) from the depths of Paula Deen's nightmares d) all of the above
  4. Accidentally flirting with those weird hacker-type high school boys who use Android phones and have names like Xander or Sebastian
  5. Locating dogs and making a personal choice not to engage
  6. Remembering odd details that you told me years ago so that when I bring them up now I seem like a stalker
  7. Distinguishing between plaid and gingham, a subtle yet life-ruining difference