5 NOISES THAT WAKE ME UP

These are the types of sounds and noises that wake me up and infuriate me beyond reason.
  1. Waking up to the neighbour screaming "sit on my face"
    What's most disturbing isn't the loud dialogue between her and whoever is doing the sitting but more the serene housewife image I have of her reading a book on the porch with her glass of Chardonnay. She wears pastel dresses and pearl necklaces! It just doesn't seem to add up and this keeps me up because I try to connect the dots....fuck you neighbour
  2. Waking up to my other neighbour playing Neil Young's "heart of gold" on his guitar....non stop for hours.
    I never hated this song before. I mean not a horribly deep hatred for it, but it's the singing that accompanies the song and the repeating over and over again, of an already quite repetitive tune. He constantly fucks it up and then makes himself start all over again as if he needs to perform it flawlessly in order to....perhaps, go on to another God damn song. But no. I anticipate the fucking up and I'm up singing along.....
  3. Waking up to my cat licking and cleaning himself 2 inches from my face.
    Alright, he's cute. He brings joy to my life. But he wakes me up in the most angering way. Certain repetitive sounds can actually be soothing and help me fall asleep. Like a fan motor or an air conditioner. My cats bath time could be one of those wonderful things. However, he licks...licks...licks a good dozen times and then stops. Then more licking and again...pause. I don't need to tell you what he's licking cause that's what he 's licking. Cleaning his hard to reach areas. The pauses?....staring at me sleep as if I'm interrupting him.
  4. Waking up to my upstairs neighbour's scheduled 6:45 defecation.
    My room isn't below his toilet. Yet, he manages to wake me with his agonizing shrieking and wailing. It's like he passes an eggplant every morning. Lay off the fucking fibre asshole!
  5. The ticking of the electric radiator as it turns on and off.
    If I can count to 9 and I hear a tick and then I count to 9 and there's that tick again, the universe is smiling down at me and sprinkling moon dust as I dream pleasant dreams. If I count to 8 and then 4 and then 33 and 1....my heart rate accelerates and I want to pull that mother fuxking heater off the wall and shove it up my upstairs neighbours ass.
  6. The horn to the food truck that delivers breakfast to the construction crew that is building a condo next door. It plays La Cucaracha. It makes me want to kill myself.
    Suggested by   @KelseyKapow
  7. When my cat from sophomore year of college pounces on me at 3 AM and I wake up to see him mid-air claws out coming for my face
    This only happened once
    Suggested by   @sky
  8. A realtor knocking on your door to show your apartment
    Suggested by   @dylan