Compulsion. Addiction. No regrets.
  1. 1.
    Scroll down, liking and commenting, until I reach a post I've seen before.
  2. 2.
    Check personal account. Answer fun ones. Ignore important ones. Check freelance account. Ignore all, but delete some for fun. Add stars to emails I know I'll forget about.
  3. 3.
    What is it now? What are pollen levels like? What is the temperature of the water at Far Rockaway? Is it nicer in Seattle? It better not be.
  4. 4.
    A 30 minute+ sojourn. Start with who I'm following, then go to trending, THEN to features. Like, comment, relist, save, laugh, cry, send shit to friends.
  5. 5.
    Check four of those awful meme reposting accounts that I refuse to actually follow, but still want to be kept abreast of just in case I need to have a conversation with a 15 year old or a trendy marketing asshole anytime soon. Whatever. Sometimes they're funny.
  6. 6.
    Do not scroll all the way down to the last tweet I saw. I broke that habit. Feel like an alcoholic who has been sober 37 years. Maybe stalk a person or two for good measure.
  7. 7.
    Scroll aimlessly through the Discover tab. Feel aimless in life.
  8. 8.
    Open app. Close app. Feel like I just accidentally walked in on uncomfortable sex. Shudder.
  9. 9.
    Scroll all the way down. Wish I had more friends on Tumblr. Think, "I'd be way cooler if I were a teenager in this internet age." Feel old but also happy.
  10. 10.
    Go through and read a couple of lists I skipped the first time.
  11. 11.
    Quickly check in on some complete strangers' public profiles that I used to regularly stalk when I was dating this other guy, and even though we don't see each other anymore and I don't miss him, I miss his friends' Instagram. Feel no guilt or shame, but NEVER like anything!
  12. 12.
    ❤️ App
    How far have I walked today? Whoa. Far.
  13. 13.
    Sometimes catch up on texts
  14. 14.
  15. 15.