Compulsion. Addiction. No regrets.
- 1.Scroll down, liking and commenting, until I reach a post I've seen before.
- 2.Check personal account. Answer fun ones. Ignore important ones. Check freelance account. Ignore all, but delete some for fun. Add stars to emails I know I'll forget about.
- 3.WeatherWhat is it now? What are pollen levels like? What is the temperature of the water at Far Rockaway? Is it nicer in Seattle? It better not be.
- 4.ListAppA 30 minute+ sojourn. Start with who I'm following, then go to trending, THEN to features. Like, comment, relist, save, laugh, cry, send shit to friends.
- 5.Check four of those awful meme reposting accounts that I refuse to actually follow, but still want to be kept abreast of just in case I need to have a conversation with a 15 year old or a trendy marketing asshole anytime soon. Whatever. Sometimes they're funny.
- 6.Do not scroll all the way down to the last tweet I saw. I broke that habit. Feel like an alcoholic who has been sober 37 years. Maybe stalk a person or two for good measure.
- 7.Scroll aimlessly through the Discover tab. Feel aimless in life.
- 8.Open app. Close app. Feel like I just accidentally walked in on uncomfortable sex. Shudder.
- 9.TumblrScroll all the way down. Wish I had more friends on Tumblr. Think, "I'd be way cooler if I were a teenager in this internet age." Feel old but also happy.
- 10.ListAppGo through and read a couple of lists I skipped the first time.
- 11.Quickly check in on some complete strangers' public profiles that I used to regularly stalk when I was dating this other guy, and even though we don't see each other anymore and I don't miss him, I miss his friends' Instagram. Feel no guilt or shame, but NEVER like anything!
- 12.❤️ AppHow far have I walked today? Whoa. Far.
- 13.Sometimes catch up on texts