INSANE THINGS MY CHILDREN HAVE SAID TO ME

THIS IS A JOINT LIST WITH MY HUSBAND @Marc This is obviously not super comprehensive. Just the things we're remembering at dinner. And these are only things Birdie has said to us!
  1. Heaven's not real... It's just there to make people feel better.
    Said after our cat died. Birdie was 3 and a half at the time. Do you think we could write a book and make as much money as those Heaven is for Real jokers?
  2. It's like, ok, ok, I get it! They're trying to put the ball in the basket.
    Said to explain why she doesn't need to stay past halftime at Laker's games with her dad.
  3. How do you know what to say to people? I just don't think I'm good at conversation.
    She was nervous about taking the bus. To kindergarten.
  4. Mom, you could never be nominated for an Oscar because you're mostly a TV actress.
    no comment.
  5. You'd better not have teenagers babysit for me because they always have parties.
    She watches a lot of Full House.
  6. I like this company.
    Birdie, at 2 1/2, when she saw the Disney logo pop up before a movie.
  7. I can tell that you want to hurt me!!! I can see it!
    This was during a particularly trying temper tantrum and she screamed it at Marc. Although she really could have said it to either one of us. For the record, we didn't hurt her. Obviously.
  8. I feel like when people look at our family now all they see is Cricket.
    Oh good lord, how I wish this wasn't true. But when you have a baby, that IS all anyone sees. It's hard to explain to her (and useless anyway) that when SHE was a baby, everyone fawned over her the way they do her baby sister. But I get it. It's fucking hard, man.
  9. I want to open a bakery and call it SugarBlush.
    I mean. Investors?