PEOPLE I DON'T TRUST

  1. Singing competition audiences
    Last night, I was half-watching "The Voice" and one of the singers hit a truly awful note, but it was loud. The audience stood up and started cheering. This is a common trend.
  2. The Property Brothers
    I'm sorry, they give me the creeps. Also, they're unnecessarily cruel: in the first few seasons they would show the couple the house of their dreams and then say, "this house is $50 million dollars above your budget! Ha! Buy the crap house like we told you to!"
  3. People who get to the end of Chapstick without losing it
    Burn the witch!
  4. Non-dessert eaters.
    Oh, you hate all things delicious, okay.
  5. People who cook with pets in the kitchen
    I know your dog licked something you're serving me. No, I'm not hungry.
  6. Children who respond "nothing" when you ask what they're doing.
    I expect imminent disaster after getting this response.