Unburdening my soul in the spirit of spring cleaning!
  1. I once stole from my teacher
    I was in the second grade, and it was a Special Treasures box, like the picture. (My taste has improved since then). I gave it back the next day by pretending I'd found it. She obviously knew I was lying, but was very sweet about it.
  2. I ruled the playground through threats and violence
    I used to tell elementary school classmates that if they messed with me, I would send them to the "torture chamber."
  3. I hired a hitman (of sorts)
    I told my sister, who was in the 7th grade, that a girl pushed me down at recess (we were in 1st grade). My sister, who is overprotective (see HOW I LEARNED MY SISTER WOULD KILL FOR ME) pushed her down to avenge me, and made her apologize. The thing is...I knew she didn't push me on purpose.
  4. I intentionally failed my eye exam in 3rd grade
    I was determined to get glasses, so I pretended my vision was worse than it was. Joke's on me though, because now I actually have horrible vision 🤓
  5. I snuck into Confession occasionally
    I went to Catholic schools from kindergarten through college. I'm not Catholic, but I would sometimes go to Confession just for the experience
  6. I failed my driving test 4 times.
    First 2 times were back to back, and I'd seriously never been behind the wheel before (no idea why my parents took me). Third time, I hit a cone parking. Fourth time, popped a wheel coming back into the center (i'd done everything else perfectly!). I promise I'm a good driver now.
  7. I was a middle school mean girl.
    I went to a new school in 5th grade and saw an opportunity for power. I had a slam book with another girl, where we used code names, used 3 way calling to hurt feelings, and was just generally awful. 🙍🏽
  8. I attended a coed after-prom slumber party
    My mom used to call the mom of every friend whose house I wanted to go to-through senior year, which was obviously mortifying. She missed the memo that the sleepover post-prom was coed, so I got my first all-night cuddle sesh (literally, I used this opportunity to cuddle, not even kiss 🙈). #sorrymom
  9. Every time I think about "Confessions" being about Jermaine Dupri rather than Usher, I die a little inside.
    It's true. Do your Googles.
  10. Sometimes I still wish you'd call.