Types of Crushes, Ranked in Descending Order of Torment
- 1.MentorPlease take me under your wing. I like your shoes and your professional career path.
- 2.FriendThey have your taste in TV, and you just want to reach the spooning on the couch, Tindering together, brainstorming a doomed podcast phase.
- 3.SchoolyardIn first grade, my life was ruined when I didn't have a date to Amanda and Jared's sandbox wedding.
- 4.CelebrityThey wrote a book you love, and we can't all Twitter DM our way to their hearts like Lena Dunham.
- 5.ActualCatch me scrolling through your profile pictures, whispering sweet futile nothings into the silent darkness.