Times I (Almost) Shit My Pants.

oh shut up, it happens to everyone.
  1. Junior year of High School my best friends mom found a handle of vodka in my softball bag.
    Why I thought this was a good idea for a hiring place? I'll never know. She poured it down the sink, probably because it was a super premium vodka you've likely never heard of....Heaven Hill.
  2. Wrecking a car with same best friend.
    We were supposed to be staying at a friend's house but we were really going to a party. What can I say, we were pretty smooth operators. Her mom caught on that we were doing this every weekend. She wanted a picture of us at our friends house. We were driving so fast to our friends that we slid off the road into a ditch. She told her parents she hit the curb at Taco Bell.
  3. My stupid, ugly face, cheating ex boyfriend.
    Obviously I'm not bitter at all. Found a text on his phone (I'm THAT girl that snoops through the phone, sue me) from a girl on our colleges bowling team. She said "let's fuck" his response was "when and how", uhm how bout the normal way Rico Suave?? Did he plan on shoving a bowling pin up her asshole? Long story short, I threw his phone and shattered that POS. UR WELCOME!
  4. Bad Mexican
    Literally had to pull over on the side of the road in the middle of no where and shit in a field. I got home holding my butt as I was walking in the door my mom was like "what's wrong!?" and the only word I could conjure up was "poop" and ran to the bathroom.
  5. I'm 'wining' about this one.
    Went to a graduation party where they thought it was okay to play flip cup with red wine. Oh I'm sorry, I'm used to parties where they play flip cup with super shitty beer. Anyway, I got wasted and the next day I had a hangover sent straight from Satan himself. It was such a bad night, I even tried to call my mom to come pick me up from the party because I was trying to start rap battles with random people. Wine shits are the MF worst.